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Dark Energy as the Hand of God?

The other day in church, I was talking about whether heaven exists, and if so, what it would be like. Here's what I think.

First, heaven may well have a lot in common with an old fashioned, turn-of-the-century (that would be the 19th century, turning into the 20th) hardware store, one with wood floors that squeaked as you entered, and merchandise piled up everywhere.

You could charge stuff to your account in this hardware store, because, as was the case back then, everyone knew everyone else, and credit, not credit cards, was an accepted way of life. You were greeted by your first name, and any outstanding accomplishment that you had achieved in life was the first topic of discussion, like, remember that football game when you made that touchdown? Or, remember bowling that 299 game? Or anything else you did that the whole town was proud of.

Heaven must be a little like that, right? Accepting. Proud of you. Your credit is good (you hope). Probably there's even some forgiveness for tipping over Mr. Smith's outhouse that Halloween, or even for some other ill-considered behavior you're not so proud of, but did, you know, outgrow.

And the store itself would have no back wall, just go on and on and on.

A while ago, in a fit of self-improvement, I ordered a DVD containing 20 lectures on Dark Energy, Dark Matter. Yes, I know: What was I thinking?

But I find cosmology, the study of the universe, to be pretty interesting, even though this guy delivering these lectures likely has an IQ double mine. But he doesn't make me feel that he's smarter, and he does pull several different theories together nicely. Never mind that what little math he does pull out of his hat began with Einstein, and has been complicated even further by scientists since them. Mostly this stuff is theory, which is why these guys are called theorists, because as it turns out, they're a bit short on scientific proof for what is turning out to be a big problem for them.

The problem is: They cannot adequately explain why the universe is expanding, which it is doing. The Hubbell telescope has pretty much let them observe that. They don't even need to get into light shift, the cosmic microwave background, or the interesting but quite mind-numbing fact that relic particles from the Big Bang do not decay into neutrons plus left-over neutrinos, because any neutrino worth its salt would have to have an anti-neutrino, but anti-particles must encompass a final quark solution, which doesn't seem to be forthcoming.

Belligerent little buggers, these particles, for not stepping forth and being observed. This causes cosmological theorists no end of frustration.

One theory postulates the existence of a multiverse, meaning that there is not one universe, but many. Somehow or other (hang in there, we're almost there), for reasons unclear, this multiverse theory works itself out nicely, in theory, if there are eleven universes. Not ten. Not twelve. Eleven.

In order to make all this planetary expansion work, there is some unseen energy at play, and they're calling that Dark Energy, which they know is there for the planets to be acting upon one another the way they are. Furthermore, his expansion-causing energy is measurable, and has to be 70 percent of all the energy in the universe. But alas. It's invisible.

A good cook always throws in some extra when creating a dish. What if God, who may not have had a cookbook to follow, looked at page one, Baked Universe, and thought it wouldn't hurt to throw in some extra zip, and did so. Seventy percent extra.

There you are. Heaven is a parallel universe, and Dark Energy is the Hand of God.

I hope so.