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Norwegians are better off staying in Norway

I was in Norway a couple of years ago, which means I am uniquely qualified to provide the opposite view to President Trump's wishes for Norwegians to emigrate to the USA. He thinks they should come here; I think they shouldn't. I think they're better off where they are. So here are as many reasons as I can think of why they should stay where they are.

There are no tornadoes in Norway. I grew up in Iowa, otherwise known affectionately as Tornado Alley. I have first hand experience with at least two of them. Scary. Stay in Norway. The sun doesn't shine there much in the winter, but that doesn't kill you. And since weapons are difficult to obtain, winter Seasonal Affective Disorder suicides don't happen much. So what you're depressed. At least your feet are on the ground and you still have a roof.

A theoretical advantage to living in Norway should be a less likely chance of developing skin cancer from too much sunshine. However, it's likely most Norwegians head for the south of France and the nude beaches there, just to even up the odds. A fair nation, Norway.

The bread they bake and sell in the stores there is the best. Stores fill fifty feet of shelving each morning with fresh-baked great-smelling whole loaves. I grew up in the fifties with a constant conflict between store-bought white bread—which was sliced but tore easily when I tried to spread peanut butter on it—and ma's home baked bread—which wasn't sliced but tore easily with the peanut butter mentioned above. It affected me psychologically. I mention that to help explain why I think bread deserves a big paragraph. Also to help explain any of my character abnormalities which readers have pointed out to me over the years. Bread. It's what's for supper.

There is, in the entire country of Norway, only one stop sign. All the rest of their traffic is routed quite easily through roundabouts, which are an ingenious way of preventing anyone from dying due to someone texting on their phone and missing a stop sign. Or dying because some driver was distracted, intoxicated by the smell of a fresh loaf of bread, and lost control of his vehicle while tearing off a hunk to eat. Roundabouts are also an ingenious way to support auto body repair shops, because although deaths are minimized, fender benders are maximized. Not much, but enough that I don't understand why the auto body union hasn't gotten behind roundabouts here in the USA.

More roundabouts. More fresh baked bread. More jobs all around.

More mundane but still relevant as far as reasons why one should stay in Norway is of course free health care. Critics of this "free" health care point out that indeed it is not free. That's true. It does indeed cost them. Plenty. On the other hand, our healthcare system here sure as hell ain't free either. Indeed, it not only isn't "free" to us, it's expensive as hell, so much so that an in-depth analysis that compares out costs here to those of Norwegian citizens reveals the fact that we pay more. We pay more.

Another reason to stay in Norway is that they live an average of five years longer. We pay more for our health care? We should live longer. We in fact not only don't live longer than citizens of Norway, 26 nations have a longer life expectancy. Okay, tell me that out health care system is cheaper and prove it, and I'll ask you what the heck kind of a bargain is cheaper health care if you're dead?

Last but not least, the educational system of Norway, which is free all the way through, is a big reason to stay there. Is it the best in the world? Nope. Finland gets that one. The USA ranks 17th in general education. But, don't forget, we rank number one in at least one category: Thinking we're number one. We win that one.

More good news—we come in second in ignorance. We know less about our elected officials and government than all but one other country. I'd tell you what country was worse, but I don't know. Maybe that's the ignorance thing showing up.

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